Me on me. No photos necessary.

Imagine me, explaining my life, everyday, to everyone. To begin, I lived in the above trailer for a month. When I moved, I moved into an RV that was missing three wheels and my closest friend lived on a bus. 

Now, imagine me at your local Wegman's. With sawdust in my ears, steel in my nose, buttons missing from my clothes, my hair down to my ankles,  and mascara on my cheek. Definitely five espressos lined up for consumption, maybe five whiskeys. Maybe I no longer need the rocks with the whiskey.

Random Person: Oh man, it's been like, so long since I've seen you. Are you still in New York?

Me: Ya, ya, still there.

RP: What are you doing, like designing shit, like clothes or what?

M: No, not really. Just sort of doing random stuff.

RP: Like what?

M: Oh, like making stuff.

RP: Like what?

M: Paintings and things.

RP: Do you paint apartments and stuff?

M: No, not really.

RP: Then what do you paint?

M: Like apples or old RVs.

RP: Is that your job?

M: Sort of.

RP: ?

M: Well, ya, I paint, I'm working on my book, sketching, writing short stories, thinking about being another person that writes a screenplay, thinking about moving transatlantic style, thinking I think too much, thinking about discontinuing my consumption of bacon.

RP: Shit, sounds good to me.

M: Well, it's alright.

(At this point in the conversation it goes one of 3 ways and we both leave thinking how we can't possibly imagine living each other's life)

1. RP: Cool, well, I have to get home to my husband/kids/partner/dog/giant family including dog, cat, twins, triplets, and token older child/etc. Tell your parents I say hi.

2. RP: Sounds great. You were always a bit all over the place. I could never live like you, though I admire it. I'm in town on break from law school/med school/Phd program (in their head they are thinking they will make millions of dollars before I pay off a bad vacation.) I'm meeting so and so tonight. You should come (at which point we both know RP doesn't mean it).

3. RP: Shit. I gotta go get these mushrooms from this guy. Wanna meet later and do 'em?

Seriously. I turned down the mushroom offer.

the way to live, man.

There was a time when I lived out of a Honda Civic hatchback - with two roommates. To be fair, we were on a bit of a roadtrip departing from our current homes in the northwest. The three of us decided it was time for a change of scenery on a Sunday and departed for the trip on Wednesday. We mailed some small things to destinations we knew in time we'd reach, aka our parents' places, and permitted ourselves each a small backpack, a very small backpack. It was liberating. It was total bliss. 

Skip ahead a few years and I found myself on another sort of 5 week adventure period. I won't exactly have a permanent address, but you know I'll be somewhere between Brooklyn and Jamaica. I'm getting rid of as many material possessions as possible and holding on to old photographs of people I've never met. It's completely brilliant. I mean, why do we have such odd connections to inanimate objects like chairs and plates? I've often felt that I should rid myself of all of my material possessions, but at last I have an excuse to do it! Needless to say, the flannel shirt you've seen me in everyday for the last few weeks will be my staple shirt for the next 5 weeks and when I come back from Jamaica I'll probably where a bikini top underneath it for no reason at all, except for I think it's a good look.

In other news - I just noticed that they've been roofing the building across from me all day. I never close my giant 3 x 6' windows. And I actually showered today. Sorry to everyone who thinks visually.

Reasons why I will not respond to your room/share on craigslist.

It's New York. We all compromise a bit just to be here. I lived in a hallway for a year. I've eaten lentils and rice for months at a time just so that I would have the funds to buy a plane ticket out of here. My friend has 6' ceilings in his studio. Luckily, he's not quite 6' tall. Seriously. Below are a few things I just can't go for.

skate ramp in the living room

My girlfriend and I . . . 

Share my Queen size bed!

Sex positive 

Couch available! $50 per night

submissive girl wanted 

eat meat? deal breaker

I should actually admit, I got a bit desperate. I responded to skate ramp and the vegans, but neither panned out. In the end, I did find a place to live. I just need to wait a month to move in.

I responded to this ad.

Live on a boat.