If you did the whole married with children thing backwards. . .

If you did it all backwards then you'd have a kid before you had sex. You'd have a house after you have the kid. You'd meet somewhere down the road after you had a kid and after you bought the house, and, quite possibly, after you had sex. Before you owned a house, you'd sleep together every night, and after, you'd have separate rooms. You'd be entirely casual before you met and quite formal after you knew each other for some time. The wedding would happen instead of a funeral, assuming you both die on the same day. You'd vacation in Europe after children happened and after you had a house because after all of that happened, you'd no longer be settling down. You'd be more eager than ever to lift your roots. You'd look like shit when you met and get more beautiful as you aged. The more I write, the better this sounds. You'd work late and cheat on each other before you even knew each other, but after you had kids, which makes it kinda bad, but then ok, 'cause you're kind of a single parent. You'd own a mini van when you're in your early twenties and an uber hip, yet pretty cheap, slightly used something in your late forties. Somethings aren't so good, but then again, you'd probably have crazy bedroom party time well into your seventies, maybe eighties, or even nineties. Old people are doing it.

We all care what people think of us.

Recalling my days of youth, it was ok to do wierd things in public. If you're three years old and you lift up your skirt, it's cute, it's funny. If it's your 25th Birthday and you're profusely lifting up the skirt of your dress, it's considered indecent. Somewhere in the middle, we learn what is socially accepted and what simply is not. This brings me to a topic that I've discussed with many people whom live in metropolitan areas. What is ok to read on the subway and what is not ok to read on the subway. This is what I have learned.

It is ok to read biographies about internationally recognized artists. It is not ok to study the images in the book when the images are of special lady parts and there is a small child seated next to you.

It is ok to read NY Times bestsellers on the subway with the exception of 'I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell' by Tucker Max. I won't lie. I own it. But I won't let people see me read it for the same reason I don't tell people I watch a certain reality show about a single dad looking for a wife/mother on Monday nights at 8 pm.

It is ok to read the newspaper on the subway. It is not ok to be writing down the numbers associated with certain adult classified ads found in the back section of the Village Voice.

Lastly, if you want to be cool like me and start reading the dictionary, that's totally cool, though it may confuse a lot of people. It would just be too bizarre to start lugging around a series of old school encyclopedias and reading them on public transit. Don't do it.

Would I? Could I? Am I a polygamist?

I recently started watching HBO's Big Love series. Maybe it was my sister's rave reviews, or maybe it was the abundance of signage promoting the series in my Brooklyn neighborhood, either way, I'm mildly addicted. 

It wasn't until recently that it occured to me that people may think I am inded a polygamist. I did in fact live in a community that accepted a 'poly' lifestyle. I have begun to regularly watch television programming about polygamy. I am often found with my 'roommates', Ben and Giovanna whom are openly dating. Sometimes, the three of us eat together. On occassion, I may be found lying in a bed with both of them. In the summer, it's totally normal to see the three of us riding our bikes on our way to a party, dinner, or other event. The other evening the three of us were leaving a dinner with many friends. Everyone walked out and I noticed Ben's jacket and scarf lying over a chair. Giovanna was already passed these items, so I picked them up, and tenderly offered the scarf to Ben. I held his jacket as he slipped his arms in. Then he looked at Giovanna and I with kind and loving eyes. Giovanna said, "Do you think they know?", rather, umm. . . she said something about how people might think we're polygamists, but we're not, but we could be and it would be cool, though the authorities aren't big on it. 

Gender Roles

When I write, often it's not in a journal that I keep on my old iBook. Most often, you'll find me writing and/or drawing stupid shit in a medium size MUJI notebook. They're like a dollar and they're the perfect size for a month's worth of random notes and sketches. Recently, I finished the last page in one. While scanning through to see what had been on my mind I found a few lovely drawings, one being the fine piece you see here.

Now, the thing is, usually these drawings come along after a bit of freewriting, they're extensions of what I have been writing about. After writing about the joys of peanut butter & jelly, the likes of which do not exist in Europe, I drew this small masterpiece. There are obvious gender roles here. The peanut butter is rather masculine. He looks smooth and a bit confused, kinda like the men I find myself attracted to. Then, there's jelly. She looks sweet and sassy in her heels and mascara covered lashes. She's even sparking a bit of a smile. It simply never occurred to me, peanut butter is the man, jelly is the lady. That's all.

What's public and what's private?

It can be quite difficult to decide what is appropriate to be shared and when it is appropriate to share it. Maybe my focus is already changing to random thought. Today, I thought, what if I'm completely overweight, but have no idea? What if people really look at me like, hmm, she shouldn't be eating that baklava from Tutt Cafe in Brooklyn Heights (which is usually amazing except for on the rare occasion that the gentleman that usually makes it is away, which I suspect he was two weeks ago). So, I really thought, man, what if I am? How much room am I taking up in this chair? More than I should, I suspect. I mean, I wear the skinny jeans, but I fill those bitches out, especially in the hips. But, then it occurred to me. My sister recently purchased me a pair of jeans (of which I still owe her some cash) that are the exact same jeans I stole from my roommate. Same exact style, wash, and, most importantly, size. When this occurred to me, I felt relieved. She's like,  in good shape and super beautiful. Note, these words 'super beautiful' are not mine, but the words of several men whom have met her. I mean, just 'cause we wear the same jeans (see photo) doesn't mean I look super beauitful in them, but I certainly try, rather I go for that seventies mom look. Sometimes good, sometimes horribly awful, just like this blog.

By the way, should you like the jeans, they are by Earnest Sewn, the Whiley. 

Now I know what to write about.

I don't know why it didn't come to me sooner. Alright, yes I do. The answer was under my nose, and I have a strong tendency to avoid easy answers, even if they are indeed the best answers. I'm 24 years old and a little, well, I'm me (see outdated photo). I've cleaned Motel 8 hotel rooms, lived in a small 'sustainable' community on the top of a plateau in Washington, been to Fashion School, experienced Manhattan and Brooklyn, been to Europe, lived with roommates, quit my job without a replacement, partied well into the morning and driven across the country, rather, half way across, rather half way around or is it a quarter? Needless to say, I've done some stuff, but I have a lot more to do and I'm still figuring out what fits and what doesn't. So, this is my focus. This is what I have to say. Maybe you're figuring out where you fit, maybe you already know, maybe this will just be a bit of amusement in between writing reports at the office, we'll see. I'll keep you posted on what I'm doing, why, and where I hope to go. Medium Style will be a bit of self affirmation for me, and maybe a little inspiration for you.

*note: I almost never edit these posts, just in case they ever seem scrambled or confusing, its simply because this is the process I have chosen to use for this blog. No editing, almost, ever.

getting organized.

first things first. i'm going to start cleaning this blog up. goal #1: start using caps and proper punctuation. goal #2. always use the same font. i've decided on the Trebuchet font. Here I will start with proper punctuation.